Mutiny Magazine Issue #15

Issue #15 With Cover image of Captain Jamie Bellows. Read it here: http://mutinymagazine.net/register?view=login — with Oberon Seliceo The King of the Pirates.

A Pirate Service Announcement from Mutiny Magazine.

Because tomorrow is such a colossal holiday (nigh as colossal as Talderoy's kitten) and we don't want any of ye doing it wrong, please remember these few but oh, so important, Protocols of Pirattitude:

Firstly: You can't talk like a pirate if you don't also smell like a pirate, so refrain from showering or even going near soap tomorrow. Hell, skip that shower tonight and you'll be ahead of the game tomorrow with a wooden leg up on all the competition!

Secondly: Your pirate-speak will be uberly unconvincing if your breath does not reek of liquor -or at least reek- so brushing your teeth is forbidden, as well. Again, if ye enact that toothpaste prohibition tonight, then by the time ye awaken at sunrise noon tomorrow ye'll already be in finest form for Smell Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Lastly: Don't even worry about repelling the womenfolk with your lacking of oral and bodily hygiene, after all; if a wench rejects ye just because ye smell like a pit of stale bilge water, well, she probably wasn't drunk enough to have gone home with you anyway!

For something more substantial and informative, visit Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy's official site for Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Godspeed and enjoy the parties!
-Bullet and the Mutiny Crew


Missed any Mutiny News updates? Find them all HERE!  

There be Awesomeness on the 'Orizon...

Looking for more Mutiny Magazine News? It's all HERE.

The Devil's Ten

Bullet here. Yes; i had no computer for a couple months hence wasn't updating this page. But, yes, i have a new computer now so no more Mutiny News will be missed.
   Currently, the Mutiny crewe is planning something totally badarse to initiate the new members of the Order of Leviathan. So keep a sober eye on the 'orizon!

Robert E. Howard Goes On the Account

Whilst we were at sea these past months, the Robert E. Howard Foundation announced publication of Pirate Adventures, a collection of piratically themed stories, drafts and poems by the prolific author Robert E. Howard.
    Available via the R.E.H. Foundation's website, don't be marooned without it! 

Missed any Mutiny News? Find it HERE! 

What's So Cool About Mutiny Magazine #4?

Well, since you asked...

The resolute Cap'n Slappy, the uber-tactful Wench Whisperer,  Lycan pursued by alligators, Kendra escapes to a deep-sea orgy, Talderoy presents Stynky Tudor, Captain Dave inks, Don Ron Brown drinks, mermaidens, sharks, the Royaliste returns and possibly even a few radiant particles of awesome which i have refrained from mentioning here. Go ahead. Discover. NOW! 

Who's on the Cover of Mutiny Magazine #4 ??

Joan Crawford says: "It ain't me!"

But there be a clue upon the wind, so sniff hard, pirates, and the answer'll come to ye!

Aye! But What Does BilgeMunkey Think?

Sure, the Pirate Santa book by Mutiny's own Talderoy and Cap'n Slappy has won countless awards for excellence in awesomery, but what we really want to know is: What does BilgeMunkey think of the accompanying CD?

    The CD, which contains the whole story read by Cap'n Slappy himself, appropriately piratical sound effectage, as well the musicological mesmerizations of Mister Mac and the Mermaids gets the official BilgeMunkey blessing right HERE.  

    Go. NOW!

Godspeed!
-Bullet (yes, i realize 'effectage' is not a real word and i very much care NOT.)

Some Things Just Aren't Worthy...

... of being in Mutiny Magazine.

    Sure. They told me it was an "uploading problem," that my video from the Portland Pirate Festival "couldn't be converted to a useable format," hence couldn't be included in Issue #3. But i know the real reason: it just wasn't good enough.

    Mutiny Magazine: where even pirates have standards.

Fortunately, Mutiny News has no standards at all. Enjoy!

-Bullet (yes, i began a sentence with "But" because i'm just that illiterate).


Missed any Mutiny News updates? Find them all HERE .

Mutiny Magazine #3

Blown in on the gales of winter, having traversed Leviathan's Straits (and my own heretical editorial decisions), Mutiny Magazine Issue #3 has arrived.
Go. NOW! MutinyMagazine.com  

Godspeed. -bullet
Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? They're all HERE .

Beware the New World Order (of Leviathan)

"He believed in it, as certain good women believe in the leviathan--by faith, not by reason." -Jules Verne

Enter the Order 

Missed any Mutiny News Updates? Find them all Here .

Something Very Important from the Pirates of Emerson

With all the many crises going on around us and throughout the world, we pirates have an important choice to make: Which haunted house are we going to pillage this Halloween??

POE have the answer...

Missed any Mutiny News updates? Find them all HERE.

Is Solomon Kane Screening Tonight in Los Angeles?

Well, this is last f**king minute but the Solomon Kane movie's Facebook page has just announced a FREE screening tonight at the AMC Theaters in Santa Monica. Mind you, this was posted just a few hours ago and also listed two screenings for last night (so fire up your time-machines if you want to make those ones). i recommend phoning the theater before going and take no responsibility for the veracity of this information.

Godspeeding that direction (possibly) -Bullet

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? They're all HERE .

Talk Like a... you know.

September 19th had always been a day to remain sober, work hard, stay focused and live clean. Then somebody just h-a-a-a-d to make it a holiday...
    Thanks, dudes!

Talk Like a Pirate Day 

"Who, us?"

Missed any Mutiny News updates? Find them Here .

Still the Dandy Highwayman: Adam Ant Returns!!

Severine here, usurping the Mutiny News blog for a pirate-on-the-street concert review...

Adam and the Ants: The Good, the Mad, and the Lovely, 2012 tour, Sept.13 at the Mayan Theater in Los Angeles = EPIC! After his recent troubles and such a long hiatus many of us feared we'd never get to see Adam again so it was amazing to find him in such great form. Playing for almost two hours and performing songs from EVERY album, this girl was whisked back to being a 13 year old in Ant make-up and ruffly shirt -which, let me tell you, was not easy to find in those days! 

Sorry, these were the best my cell phone camera could do.

    He sounded AMAZING! From "Beat My Guest" to a song off his new album (no, I'm not going to tell you which one. Go see the concert, I dare you), I would not have known the difference from my first Ant concert. His sense of humour was great as always, as in the way he introduced the band. "They are the 'Good', I am the 'Mad', and these ladies," referring to the female back-up singer and one of the drummers, "are the 'Lovely'." He could have included himself in all three! The boy has either found the fountain of youth, a really good plastic surgeon or is a bloody vampyre! 

    The best random remark I overheard all night was when a girl who had just bought a t-shirt said to her friend: "I'm going to hang this from my wall and masturbate to it." Honey, that's not a bad idea! "It's times like this, the great heaven knows..." 

-Severine 

Missed any Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE .

Stalking the Pirates Charles? Mutiny Can Help...

They'll be rocking Sacramento in the very nigh future...

Mutiny Magazine: facilitating confrontation between deranged groupies and reluctant musicians since 2011. You're welcome.

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE .  

Godspeed ye! (no, i really mean it this time) -Bullet 

Mutiny Magazine Went to Portland...

...but Portland forgave us.

Or did they?? Read the full account in Issue#3.

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE .

Would Mutiny Miss the Portland Pirate Festival? Would Talderoy Floss?!!

On your Word! The Mutiny Crew will be dropping an anchor on Portland's head this very weekend! Keep your good eye open for Jules Evermore (the Ale Hunter), Bullet Valmont (Wench Whisperer), Lycan (our wolf-cub reporter), Capt. Dave (Blackbeard's Tattoo Parlor), Tony Swatton (Sword and the Stone), Armond and Steve (The Gentlemen of Fortune), Jose Menendez (straight out of the Captain's Closet), and possibly even the mighty Talderoy himself.
    Importune us with your best, most insincere pleadings and you'll score yourself a shiny new Mutiny Magazine sticker (whilst they last)!! Go now: PortlandPirateFestival.com .

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE! 

Solomon Kane gets U.S. Release Date (finally) !!

In vaguely piratey news, the United States theatrical release of director Michael J. Bassett's 2009 film Solomon Kane has been announced. Though England and Europe have seen this already, we've had a lengthy wait for it here in the new world. James Purefoy (who has also portrayed Blackbeard on film) stars as the pirate turned puritan avenger. Inspired by the Robert E. Howard character, the film takes some (sigh) drastic liberties with the story but let's hope a little Howard shines through nonetheless. In theaters September 28th. But you can watch the trailer right here:

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE .

Godspeed! -Bullet

Who's on the Cover of Mutiny Magazine #2 ??

Aye! That would be the mighty Talderoy! And since that secret was already spilt we aren't spoilin' anything by posting it here!

Talderoy as photographed by the awesome Michele 

Clement on the Sea of Darkness 5 voyage.

The next question, to be sure: Who is the captain of Issue #2? Well, to discover the answer ye'll just have to enter the robin at MutinyMagazine.com .

Missed any previous Mutiny News updates? Find them HERE .

Allowing for alliteration, alas. -B.